Welcome to Blog Post No 2. Thanks for stopping by and reading it.
I want to share with you something of how God has really shaped me through my experiences and how God can do the same for you if you chose to believe and trust him.
As you read in my first blog I've been a single mum now for three years following a divorce from an abusive marriage. I am NOT going into any details as I don't feel this is right to share on a blog, however I would like to share how I overcame in the hope it will help others.
I am not a victim, or a survivor. I am an overcomer. One of the ways I feel God has protected me both physically and emotionally during the difficult times in that I never felt I was a victim, I never felt I deserved the things which happened to me and felt it was totally unjust and I CHOSE to believe what God believed of me and how he said we should be treated and treat others. Not in any arrogant way as of course I am not perfect and often didn't respond in the right way as I was so indignant at times, and God has been working on that. It isn't even that I am 'thick skinned', however, this underlying belief that I am unconditionally loved by God that kept me from believing all the things thrown at me. Of course then and even now there are times when my lack of confidence pops back up again and I wonder if I can do things or what people are thinking of me, but that keeps me humble and grounded as I know my need of Jesus and still need to learn to trust him more and more. Restoration and healing was a slow process. I eventually began to let go of the shame and insecurity
and release the bitterness that lay deep within my heart. I was able to forgive
and move forward with my life. The undeserving favour of God found me and set
me free from all that was keeping me bound. I am a child of God who is loved
unconditionally. This meant I could be an overcomer, someone who can overcome
any obstacle through the help of a God who overcame death.
YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER IN JESUS for he is the ultimate overcomer. He has overcome death, and will overcome sickness and every pain and suffering one day.
A song by Mandisa also particularly helped me. Called 'Stronger' and if life is hard at the moment for you please listen to this. It will encourage you to hold onto the one who knows the beginning from the end and will help you.
When I was fifteen I was baptised and chose the song 'I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. Though none go with me still I will follow.' I meant it and even going through very lonely times when no one really understood the situation I was facing, Jesus was the solid Rock and the one who carried me through.
I also think seeing God at work in my life and others lives has grounded my faith even more especially during earlier years strengthening me for what was to come along. Whilst away on mission and doing a Discipleship Training Scheme with Youth With a Mission in Italy God did a work in me, strengthening my faith and resolve to follow and serve him in whatever I do.
However I have to say it wasn't my faith that kept me going, but God's faith in me. My faith has not got me through my difficult time with domestic abuse. My faith has not been my source of strength, my inspiration or the thing I have clung to.
My faith is weak. My faith doubts and falters. My faith couldn’t get me through anything really, because it’s mine, it’s human.
My GOD on the other hand did get me through the tough times, and still does. My God is faithful. HE is my source of strength, even if I run from him in anger he’s still there, holding me, pursuing me and guiding me. Loving me. My God is an awesome God.
I am in the process of being restored. Restoration takes time. Part of that healing process involved our church's senior pastor Malcolm Duncan (along with his wife and leadership team who are also an amazing bunch) who has been an absolute gem throughout the whole process. He was the first pastor to truly believe me and he stood with me throughout some difficult meetings and supported me despite it not being easy. He was brutally honest and yet loving. He was the hands and feet of Jesus, but also the love of a brother in Christ who was just there for me when I needed it. A person to clarify and confirm my understanding of the Biblical stance on my situation and know that he would be biblical, honest yet compassionate. All the leaders stood with me and supported myself and my children through the tough times and that meant a lot to us and helped us through. We all need people to stand alongside us, be open enough to be honest, full of integrity not compromising our faith but yet compassionate. That takes guts and a firm belief that God is right and to do what is right in God's eyes is more important than following our own agenda or what we feel is right and just.
On Sunday Malcolm Duncan preached a sermon on restoration and he said that restoration requires a master craftsman and who better than our heavenly Father who knitted us together. No one is beyond repair and when God does the repairs he makes the cracks look beautiful with his grace. He puts us through the refiners fire and we come out stronger and more beautiful. Refiners fire purifies not destroys. In the story of Joseph in the Biblein Genesis 50:20 there is a phrase which says 'You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.'
I truly hope my story brings hope and breaks the silence about domestic violence and especially in the context of a Christian marriage. The truth is that God’s love can transform one’s broken life into one of beauty. I am a living testimony of his transforming work.
I love this verse from 2 Corinthians 4:7-9. Had it not been for God I think I would have been in complete despair but God in his grace carried me through and began to rebuild me.
God can take our scars, our life experiences and use them if we offer them to him.
God heals our past so it no longer controls my present nor my future. It is something which happened to me but doesn't define who I am. Only God defines you, not your relationships, your husband or wife, or your work or your situation.or your education.
Finally Graham Kendrick's song was sent to me by my lovely sister a few years ago and meant a lot to me
We shall stand
With our feet on the RockWhatever men may sayWe'll lift your name up highAnd we shall walkThrough the darkest nightSetting our faces like flintWe'll walk into the light
Hence the title of my blog!
*If you have experienced domestic violence or abuse in your marriage and have been affected by my story please message me and I am happy to encourage and support you privately and signpost you to anything which can help you in your journey to recovery and healing.*
